perfect starry nights. sweet dreams. moon beams. a love that's warm. and bright.

You know what they say about habits being formed in twenty-one days? Well, it's been that long since I decided I wanted to stop living. I didn't die exactly but I managed to be unalive and it’s not a happy feeling. In fact, for the past weeks, I’m devoid of feeling.

It is really deadly to neglect any spiritual feeding. I never run out of reasons why I miss church or miss Bible studies and prayer times. I have a longer list I could use but the thing is, I'm done making excuses.

Yesterday, I decided to break the habit. It’s too unbecoming to be the prophet of gloom and doom. All along, I’ve been nothing but a pretentious little twit who feigned living while really dying inside.

I'm okay now.

:::::: (",) :::::::

I was looking for my first edition of the High School Musical magazine when I came across old photographs and blue books both from high school and college days.

I stumbled upon class cards [mine was colored and covered in glitters!] and blue book exams and papers [haha academic writing kuno] and pictures from productions and stuff.

Meet my thesis partner!


Taken back in the day when we were smarter and we talked about theology and politics and culinary arts and language like we were made of intelligent material. I guess I do miss Jiar even when I say I don't.

i'm on a roll. feeling sentimental just because these july rains bring in a cold rush [from the north but don't quote me on that] that reminds me of that one place my heart calls home.

best baguio memory number two. inter-varsity christian fellowship northern luzon!

there are so many things about it that i dearly love. and i can't even start describing how much it means to me. ivcf has become my family up north. the Lord used ivcf  for me to know Him deeper and become seriously joyful in my faith.

six months into the GT ministry taught me a lot of things. grabe. there were moments i wished i went to the corporate world full time so i can get my star path going, but being a graduate team member has more eternally-valuable lessons that i couldn't have learned elsewhere. ANG GALING LANG TALAGA NI GOD SOBRA!

one of the things i'll never forget is the terrible bagyo last year when so many places had landslides. i'm just thankful we were safe and in great spirits. when these girls get topak, they do crazy things. that's roma and me on that fateful day. if i have the power to relive it, i will.

marami pa sobra. and shucks, words escape me right now. they're running so fast in my head that my fingers cannot keep up.

coffee bonding sessions with ate dot, kuya erik, kuya carlo are also memorable. i love staying at their house for chats and coffee [ate dot bakes the best breads and cakes!]. hay. muling ibalik, please please.

then there are Bible studies which i super enjoy. hay. exegesis and hermeneutics and apologetics are always, always so great to do. and my girls. grabe.

SOBRANG DAMI PA.

[sorry, i am incoherent, i get really sentimental at the thought] more to come.

in the middle of emergency lights, sweltering heat and lack of technology, God spoke. you gotta be amazed at how He uses the most unlikely circumstances to drive a point.

Pastor Dave [SP: Senior Pastor cum Superb Photographer] did a wonderful job of exhorting on Habbakuk [a book/prophet in the old testament which i know as a joke, as in, anong libro ang bubuksan mo sa Bible pag nauuhaw?]. Habbakuk was very vocal about his "complaints" to what is happening to Israel while God seems to be mum about the whole thing. how bizarre for God to take so long to give a concrete answer to a dire need as if saying, "so?" And He goes on saying that He will raise the Babylonians up. Can you just imagine Habbakuk's exasperation, oh come on Lord, they are so bad, you should not tolerate them!

We can think of so many reasons why God should answer our prayers and get us out of trouble. I mean, isn't that what a good God should do? we can be adamant at God to take us out of a dangerous situation while "reminding" Him that, God, this is so not like you, when He seems to ignore our plea. And we are so sure that the way we imagine salvation to come is what He will do exactly.

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. sometimes, we classify what is good. we understand things differently, make a mental note of what good should be, and expect God to be that. The thing is, God is sovereign. meaning He does what He pleases.

If we say we trust God, then we should know how to rest in Him when His answers take too long. He is up to something and He knows your end. Like what the message said, if we drown, fine, as long as we're in God's hands. Faith is the key to understanding God's goodness. We trust HIm even when He seems untrustworthy.

sometimes, God seems to "ignore" our prayers or is taking too long in giving answers and all we get from Him is wait. it's so unsettling, yes, but the righteous will live by his faith. [Habbakuk 2:4]

as with Habbakuk, the Lord seemed to delay an immediate, logical answer to his prayers. But He guaranteed that He will not let the Babylonians go unpunished. if you know your history, is there still a remnant of that once-powerful kingdom? exactly.

all hell may break loose, we can lose the things we hold dear, be betrayed by those whom we trust, and die of suffocation at a sunday service [hehe] but knowing that we have peace with a God who knows exactly what He is doing- always in His terms- means we can chill and trust that even if we suffer, we suffer in His hands. our idea of good does not exactly have to mean comfortable or safe or convenient. nobody said that living for Christ is a trouble-free existence. it just assures you that no matter what, He has your best interest- although not in the way you see it- at heart.

Our service ended the way it started, the place dark and hot, no electricity and no spectacular powerpoint presentation, but God is good. He delivered His message as clearly as He would in any air-conditioned, electrically supplied service.

as the ending to Pastor Dave's sermon, he quoted Lucy of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe [by CS Lewis], asking Mr. Beaver, "Then he [Aslan the lion] isn't safe?" [referring to the statement that everyone falls on his knees in fear when meeting Aslan] to which the kind beaver replied, "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good."

Is God really good? YES.