oh. my. shooting. stars.

Promise Keeping

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:40:45 GMT

I said I will blog today.

So I will.

And this is it.

happy Tito Bob day!

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:39:43 GMT

i know his body is in a marble urn but i always imagine him bounding up in church one day and asking what he missed.

i'd steer him to the buffet table because i know this event is cause for a feast. and then i'd tell him about the time i finally led praise and worship.

he'd shake my shoulders and say 'sabi ko naman sa'yo eh!' he always bugged me about that. he'd say nice things and end with mana ka talaga sa mommy mo. he had the sense not to say out loud sa tatay ko ako nagmana. haha.

but then of course i'd be competing with everyone else in church. they had after all missed him, too. more than i miss him.

i keep thinking i don't and so i rewire my brain into being so sure of meeting him one day soon that i won't have to think about his being gone.

he's just around the corner. like, he'll show up and start telling us about this new place he's in.

hey tito bob, you should see the new building, it's super cool. :)

tito, did you do something to your hair? LOL :)

Toldja I'm a Star :P

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:51:07 GMT

When I was seven, my very first best friend Marie and I took on a project for the pre-school we went to. The Learning Tree is where most of my happy childhood memories were built and where gifts were nourished.

I do not remember how it all started just that days after our senior kindergarten graduation, I was told to listen to a series of tapes with recorded music, learn the words that came with the melody, and meet Marie every so often to practice.

Then came the days when we had to go to a recording studio (a super feat for pre-schoolers who recently transferred to the 'big school') to sing and 'play' and sing some more. I remember thinking we were like Celine Dion (whom I did not know back then) in their video of Beauty and the Beast, singing to a hanging microphone with headsets on.

We even had an album launch. :)

On its first release, the albums were on cassette tapes. Gimme a break. It was 1992. Then after selling like, I dunno, a whole lot of copies, it is only but right to produce a CD version. So yes, Marie and I are like, platinum record holders. LOL. Of course, Teacher Francie gets props for being the mastermind in all these. :)

(Btw, did you know that she collaborated with the Megastar Sharon Cuneta in the latter's children's album? And that Miel went to the Learning Tree, which means the Megastar's daughter sang our songs, hahaha. Funny thought.)

Later, the grown ups will tell us that we liked holding hands on the way to the studio, at play, or simply to talk. Pang-Hallmark moment lang talaga. :)

You hafta squint a little better and zoom in to see our names, and recognize our faces. I'm second from the left, Marie's the pretty girl with long hair. :)

Anyway, those are the best days, weeks, months I can ever remember. One, because I got to share it with my best friend. Two, because we bonded over music. Three, hullo, we're recording artists. Four, we were probably the most spoiled first graders ever. Five, because Teacher Francie took us to all these expensive restaurants (that I thought was 'common' for most people, yun pala something I cannot afford as a grown up, LOL) and because she is such a darling.

I truly thank God for the experience for it has made a lot of things uber cool in all my years on this earth. And I absolutely praise Him for the beautiful, long-standing friendship Marie and I have. And music, I thank God for music. :)

a dream is a wish

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:51:31 GMT

There has been a lot going on but there are lull times, too. I blame the lack of wifi in our office for my cyber silence and karma suicide. And when I do get valuable internet time, I end up being too swamped with senselessness that I fail to keep my thoughts in order. I thank twitter and plurk for accepting the one-liners I cannot, for the life of me, put together in a coherent/cohesive entry.

It amazes me how I get everything (or most things) I want. My joys are simple, really. It is even more astounding that despite of me, I get divinely spoiled. I'd like to think that God spoils me. Emphasis on think. I like the thought. :)

If I should begin telling you about the great things that happened between this blog and the last, I would not know where or how to start.

Here's one thing though. In college, when I would go up to Baguio early Monday mornings and pass by the Timog fly-over, I'd look out the window and tell the GMA tower that someday, I will work there. And here I am, three years later.

Believe you me, dreams do come true. :)

i hate when this happens

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 07:38:49 GMT

Every time I click on the post entry button, I forget what I was supposed to say.

I cannot write anymore, maybe that is my problem, noh?

I blame micro-blogging for this.

after a month, whew.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 11:18:11 GMT

I'd say my life right now is really fabulous but I'm too swamped with details that I do not know where to begin.
Call this entry a filler. There's nothing more to it.

the xaris day

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 05:12:27 GMT

At this time some twenty years ago (haha), my mother was rushed to the hospital because she freaked out that the baby in her tummy has stopped moving.

I was born sleeping. Ta-dah.

On a full moon.

I am making my life sound interesting. Let's try.

Xaris likes to go by The Xaris, if anyone asks. Spawned by accounting guru Asser Tamayo and grammar nazi Cynthia Paler Tamayo, the child grew up to be a grammar whore who had a love-hate relationship with numbers.

The Xaris was born on August 1, 1985 under a full moon (but no one noticed because she was born on midday). Legend has it that the baby inside Cynthia 19s tummy stopped moving altogether thus the mad hospital dash to deliver the unmoving fetus. Apparently, before boredom presented itself to the baby, she already discovered what it was. The moon-child came out of the womb sleeping.

Moons and stars fascinated The Xaris growing up. The Xaris believes that she is of the star people, which her non-showbiz manufacturers never denied. To this day, The Xaris swears by the laws of stars thus her crazy antics.

The Xaris has three siblings. And a weirder bunch nobody has ever seen.

More than life, The Xaris loves her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Despite her allegiance to the Cross, The Xaris is still in the process of grace. Sometimes her evil inclinations get the best of her, but that is why she hangs on tightly to the grace of the Lord. Apart from it, she is nothing. Xaris after all means grace.

Sometimes, The Xaris goes by the name Xai. When she is Xai, she is as sweet and charming as an 26 erm, sweet and charming thing. Oftentimes, she is just plain Xaris, the evil manipulative twin.

Oh. Someday she will fall in love. And this biography would sound even better. Rararara.

***
Tita Cory couldn't have picked a better day to die. Only fabulous people mark lives on August 1.

***
Dear God,
I know that your plans are way better and your thoughts higher. When you call people home, it is because you want them to meet you face to face. What a privilege for your children whom you call your own.

Earthlings say that the month of August is a ghost month. Having been born on the first day of this month, I say pfft, whatever. Thank you for making me, me. Thank you for continuously working in my life.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me. :)

***
I was supposed to have been back from Baguio today to audition for the MYX VJ hunt. Ambisyosa talaga ako. LOL. Instead, I am still in my pajamas, watching 'Labs Kita, Okay Ka Lang' on Cinemaone, never having left home.

I had plans for August and September. One, to live in Baguio and work as GT. Two, try out for Myx on all Saturdays of August. Three, paint. Four, get a *tattoo*. Five, overhaul my wardrobe equals shopping.

But because God is infinitely wise and kind, He thwarted my plans. :) He instead gave me a new job in GMA-7 as researcher for Mel and Joey and showed me my soon-to-be-new-puppy poodle Tiger. :D *cartwheels*

I will blog about my first week in my new job when I get down from my cloud/bubble. I am still on bum mode and everything is new. May God grant me peace on this new adventure He gave me. :) Here's to twenny four! :)

before i let you go

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 03:39:02 GMT

Do you remember how incredibly cheap Baguio cabs are? From town to La Trinidad is less than 100 petot and the cabbies give you exact change. I miss that about living here.

I also miss that everything in town is at a walking distance. Walking is exercise. Exercise gives your endorphines. Endorphines make you happy. Happy people don't just shoot their husbands (I've seen Legally Blonde a million times, sorry).

I miss pizza in Volante where you can get a 14" with two flavors (bagal pa rin the service but what the heck, wala nyan sa Maynila), refillable brewed coffee, and pasta in pesto.

Forest House is still homey. Loakan Road still dark. :)

I can never forget how absolutely easy it is to be stylish in a cool climate. I love my jackets, scarves, mufflers, and layers and layers of clothing. It's cold here again. And ukay ukay is still the bomb in Hiltop.

The market is being renovated and I lost my way; I couldn't find the coffee grinders. :( But the stalls are still there, in make-shift spaces selling goodies, peanut britol, etc.

I love how Baguio can still make my heart beat abnormally giddy even when most of the people I've come to know and love here are in Manila already. So maybe, it's not really the people that brings me back but the love for the city. I dunno. Or memories. Probably memories.

Before I let you go I want to say... pfft, kita kits ulet next week. :)

oh hello.

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:42:07 GMT

can you believe i don't know anything about photoshop? ang loser loser ko noh? :)
but thankfully, because of plenty of free time, i decided to learn. it's in my to-do list, after all.

sorry naman, amateur to the core. :D but i am proud. basta, i will learn!

been going to and from pasay for 'work.' been coming in and going at 10. been tambaying for 12 straight hours for five days.

on the bus today, the video on board played one of michael jackson's concerts. judging from the teary-eyed fans and the capacity of the concert arena which was full to the brim, jacko is one helluva great performer! i don't like him, never did, but something about his influence and charisma inspires me to break free and just let creativity flow.

can't wait sumikat. anudaw.

my fan page in facebook has 49 fans. hahaha. from 19 last week, pwede na rin yun.

:) can you tell i'm bored.

hurray for me

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 11:32:01 GMT

In my current 'office' space, I have accomplished many great things.

1. Stare at the mint green wall for a good three minutes.
2. Stayed silent for fifteen minutes.
3. Stayed in my seat for an hour.

These are considered wonders, believe me. I can never focus, shut up or sit still.

The wall is very relaxing; green is very soothing. I never stay focused at one view for more than three minutes because I would either fall asleep or cry without reason. Whatever it is, I pretty much end up doing something else. You can guess my parents never punished me by asking me to stand at the corner. I would have driven them crazy.

I tried on a personal dare with myself back in college to refrain from speaking or creating any noise for 20 minutes. I failed at 14 minutes, which means I beat my own record by another minute today. It's a milestone people! I was born to make side comments. Keeping me quiet when my hyperactive thoughts run wild will cause me to burst spontaneously.

I did not sit still but I did not move away from my chair. I just swiveled to another part of the office instead of the normal standing and walking routine. So that constitutes an achievement for xaris the adhd on full moonlit nights.

***
Alice spent the erm, morning in my house after the Boy Abunda session with my now favorite UP Baguio kuyas. What, they ARE older.

We talked about certain things that are very smile-able at the thought and I can't help but think that maybe I am starting to get a life. I kinda like having friends over.

I would have disclosed super important girly talk details but I'd like to keep the thoughts to myself.

I didn't sleep well, downside is. But I had a lot of fun.

i take the bus now

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:41:13 GMT

Today I'm the poster image of a working girl. I took the bus to work at about the same time half the metro is on their way to their offices. I walked down the block to where my 'new office' is, cradling my uber chic coral pink LC bag on one arm while balancing a steaming hot cup of starbucks coffee on the other.

That is what I call pretentious on all counts. I shall slave away for the next ten hours in this god-forsaken glass case while I dream of freely running down the mall or sleeping in my room or stalking in cubao x.

Times like this I wish I were driving but then going all the way from QC to Pasay does not sound appealing to me or to my weak ankles.

I swear I was born to freelance because office-work is too trivial for the likes of me. Plus I'm by myself and my only companion is iTunes plus an occasional shove from online contacts. Thank God for DSL.

I have no reason to complain because technically, I am being paid to 'tambay,' a luxury not everyone gets. LOL. According to Murphy's Law however, I am bound to find the other side of the fence greener and wish for what I cannot have. Figuring out ways of things to do is more tiring than actually doing things. I wish somebody would come in to inquire so I at least have a companion here.

I'm about done criticizing the people who pass by the office looking atrocious in their ill-fitting uniforms. Harhar. Even in boredom, I still find ways to be mean.

This is day three. I am wearing a purple mini dress paired with black slacks and a black cropped blazer. Days one and two were more 'corporate.' Day one I wore black pin-striped slacks matched with a powder blue striped button-down shirt and a black blazer. Pearls adorned the ensemble. Day two I wore a dark blue skirt on top of dark blue stockings paired with a light blue collared top and blue blazer. Ribbons and pearls were my accessories.

The goal is to never wear the same outfit twice in my two weeks' stay here. That's what I'll do; bore you with details with what I did for the day. :P

I should have seen this coming.

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:26:54 GMT

(Anonymous) (66.17.83.82) wrote:

Jun. 1st, 2009 03:08 pm (local)

???

Aren't you a Christian? Aren't you supposed to be different -- "set apart" -- from the cruel people of this world who only bring other people down?

You are not helping this woman. You are cursing her, pushing her further down, and putting her to shame by posting this entry on the web. Which is not something a Christian -- a church leader, if you are one -- should be doing. You should be helping her, praying for her.

Check your motives, check your heart.

TO ANONYMOUS:

You cannot name yourself, Scottsdale, AZ?
I was upset when I wrote this. If you had known the context behind this, you wouldn't be riding on me like that.

I am sorry you feel that way.
But my 'Christianity' is between me and God. I will get my own punishment for this but again, that's God's call.

I *might* delete the entry. But not for her or your sake.

Believe me, I am being convicted. But your comment does not help. So for your pleasure, I'm keeping it up. I'll only take it down when I want to, which was supposed to be soon, until your comment. So live with it.

May God have mercy on me. :)

edit ko ha

Fri, 29 May 2009 10:53:49 GMT

From Ronalyn Tumbaga:

"Just work and have fun!Forget the past and don't ever look back.Whatever I loose,will be the lost of someone who gain what I lost,because he didn't see the real value,he didn't care at all.May he find the real happiness in exchange of this pain."

blah blah.... Whatever I LOSE, will be the LOSS of someone who GAINED (FROM) what I lost, because he didn't... blah blah blah.

For a mass communication cum laude, this one's a great big WHADAHELL.

more things to do

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:34:41 GMT

1. de-clutter my room. get rid of my brother's old stuff.
2. buy nail polish in all available colors and revive nail art-ing.
3. learn to play a musical instrument that isn't a walis tingting.
4. arrange collection of headbands, scarves, necklaces, bangles, glasses, earrings, bags, shoes and make it look like my room is one big tiangge.
5. frame pictures.

***
my life will now be a DIY project. it was like that before; i make presents and my own stuff, or at least decorate them. i'm going to be xai again! hurray. :)

things to do

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 06:36:39 GMT

1. Learn and master photoshop. Willing to pay for tutorials.
2. Work on video resume. Make a convincing script.
3. Become a vegetarian.
4. Immerse self in the arts.
5. Walk down Session road for reals.
6. Practice culinary skills.
7. Buy a sewing machine.
8. Finish 2008 scrapbook.
9. Look for a crash course in dress-making.
10. Consider applying for starbucks.
11. Drive daily. Good luck metro manila, here I come.
12. Take singing lessons.
13. Career-in ang SBCC website.

oh lasengga ladies

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 11:38:21 GMT

Why is it always, 'single but happy?' Why can't it be single AND happy? But is a coordinating conjunction that indicates contrast (or exception, depending on usage). Why is single and happy a contradiction?

I do not like the notion. I am a very happy kid.

***
Beyonce's super cool. She's giving out moneys to youtubers with the best rendition of her super cool single ladies dance.

There's this group of gay kids trying to win two thousand dollars by showcasing their talents for all the world to see. I don't know what to make of that. The kids are really talented and they're really young. At the risk of bigotry, I will say it: too young to be out of the closet.

***
I can't stop watching One More Chance. I dislike Bea but John Lloyd makes up for it. He is such a fine, fine actor.

***
I want coffee.

brdbrain8

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:59:31 GMT

My email address is brdbrain8, created in June 2002.

Because B, R, and D were all I could ever think about. My brain is all for B, R, and D.

Later, brain8 will also stand for B(2), R(2), A, I, and N. Plus 8 other names.

These letters represent most of my crushes. Ang cool, noh?

I will tell you about B.

B is actually Brandon Boyd. In 1997, when Incubus was but an obscure band, I heard Anti-Gravity over at the only radio station I knew at the time, NU107. Then I knew they'd be playing a major role in my life. I blame Drive (though I absolutely adore that song) for their selling-out (I had issues with selling out when I was young; I didn't like to share my music) and for a time, after Drive's EP debut, I hated the thought of girls liking Incubus, which will ultimately lead to them liking Brandon Boyd.

Alas, my love for their music cannot be quenched when I suddenly found myself 'joining the bandwagon' of screaming fangirls. I hated being uso, but what can I do, with all my fifteen years, I really loved Brandon Boyd. So for the record, I wasn't into the fad, just so we're clear on that.

I became so obsessed with wanting to be Mrs. Boyd that I carried the name to college, where I suppose I can be whoever I want to be. Hehehe. I followed the band's success stories and even watched Morning View Session over and over (I wonder where my CD went) until I could draw Brandon's tattoo in his right arm, which I successfully did. I took that with me all the time in freshmen year to inspire me. I even wanted to have the artwork on my arm, sira na talaga ulo ko.

I cried when other girls pledged their love for him because I knew they liked B for superficial reasons. It's so frustrating when I can't even discuss his poetry with all the other fangirls. Oh well. I even almost had a copy of White Fluffy Clouds but my cousin forgot to buy it when he was in the States.

Today, I forget all the details I had on B, except his birthday, which I celebrate until now. All the hours spent on drooling over B is but kept away in a little drawer in my memory. I sometimes think I have outgrown him. Sometimes, I do not want to think about his band and label them most negatively only because others found out about them.

They were in the Philippines almost five years ago; I would have seen them if it weren't for NSTP. It's a long tragic story. On the Saturday after their concert, I went to (then) Westin Philippine Plaza to follow their footsteps and I cried. My parents thought I was crazy. Maybe I was. Then I gave up on liking them altogether because I was an epic failure as a fan.

Why am I writing about it now? Anti-Gravity was also called Summer Romance. It's that season again when my little drawers go a-flutter so I can get a glimpse of how it was summers past.

Aaaand I just feel like telling you about B. Then I'd go on with R and D. Teehee.

rhetorical questions aka the cynical take on ceres's payong

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:28:27 GMT

Kasi minsan nakakasawa nang yan na lang ang laging sentimyento ng mga pusong bigo.

Ako ba ang nais mong sukuban? -He would have asked.
Ako ba ang nais mong hagkan? - He would have done it.
Pag-ibig ko ba ang nais makamtan? - He would have told you.

Ikaw ay aking papayungan -That's your choice.
Sa lahat ng bagyong darating- Gudlak.
Sa iyong buhay nandito lang ako... -Hindi umuulan araw-araw. Kilala ka lang niya pag may kailangan siya sayo.

Susubukang mabihag ang puso mo- Try and try until you succeed.
Sa payong ng pagmamahal ko- Pano kung ayaw niya sumukob?
Hanggang sa mapagod ako -Try and try until you die.
Sa kakapayong...sa 'yo- Mahal ang Fibrella.

Ako ba ang sinisigaw ng damdamin?- Have you heard it?
Ako ba ay hinahanap-hanap?- Are you lost?
Hindi ko na alam kung ano ako sa 'yo- You wouldn't know that now, would you?

While it's sweet and romantic to be the go-to girl, some things just have to end. Doormats are so over-rated.

But I truly love this song. Huhuhu. Summer na, pinapayungan pa rin kita. :(

awww thanks

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:12:42 GMT

You Are Extremely Charming

When someone talks to you, they feel like they are the most interesting person in the world.
And for you in that moment, they actually are.

You truly care about the people you're around, and it's obvious to everyone who meets you.
You are open, warm, friendly, and welcoming. You epitomize charm.

xaris westwick sounds promising, doncha think?

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 14:11:55 GMT

The name rolls off your tongue perfectly.
Come on, say it.

Xaris Westwick.

He's purrfect. *swoons* He has a hot accent. *swoons* He has a rock band. *swoons* He reads. *swoons* Our dads teach. *swoons* Our moms are psychologists. *swoons* He looks good in anything he wears. *swoons* He 'prides himself of being the last of the romantics.' How may guys can say that, really?

And Edward and Xaris together has a ring to it, yes?

if not melancholic then just plain psycho

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:19:13 GMT

I easily cried in the morning.

In the afternoon I was feeling much better.

When evening came, I was really happy.

And my best friends are the reason why.

And Again I Say Valentine's is Overrated

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 03:07:32 GMT

When was the last time I wrote about love?

I cannot remember simply because I have not thought about it in a very long time. I think about Piolo and crushes but that hardly constitutes the gut-wrenching, more-than-butterfly-feeling, hard core, I-give-my-undying-devotion-to-you kind of love. The kind that cannot be described, that which not even Shakespeare can thoroughly write about.

Why do we have to single out one day, one measly 24-hour in a 365-day calendar? And for that matter, why do mortals bank on the mush and gush representation of love?

I believe every individual is entitled on how to feel and how to express love as they know it. Forgive me for wishing that we come from a single perspective in all these things. But what do I know, I have yet to fully uncover the treasures and secrets of the great four-letter word.

Pfft. Who gives a cow anyway? V-day was yesterday and I spent it with strangers loading off on free food. I still say that if we give so much effort to meet a lover's expectations on the 14th of February, we ought to think of it and accomplish it all year round.

Happy birthday Brandon Boyd! Maybe you can tell me what love is.

check the fax kasi

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:31:48 GMT

Spare yourself the drama, girl.

But I can't! Waaaah!

The only thing that stood in the way of me finally meeting Piolo Pascual is me! We were offered to cater for the press con of Lovers in Paris which was today. I would have rallied the management for a yes but no, I wasn't aware of the fax transmittal.

Why didn't I check the fax machine? Whyyyyyyyy?

random random blah blah blah

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 11:53:09 GMT

I have done the tag three times already...
random 1.
random 2.
random 3.
...in variations.

Let's see how far I can stretch myself to sound interesting.

1. I can sing One Step Closer in Rockband and get 100% on the Easy Level, 97% on the Medium. I'm too much of a wimp to try Hard and Expert.

2. I have never tried smoking. Not once. Not hold a lit cigarette to my mouth, not even light one. Not even think about it. Wait, I did think about it when I was four.

3. My first doll was named Hobby. She was a rag doll with an old rose dress, mousy brown strings of hair and pink shoes. My big brother tore her up to get back at me.

4. My kuya and I almost killed each other. Seriously. But we're best friends.

5. I have only had two cell phone numbers since 1999.

6. My dream car was, is, and always will be a yellow green vintage convertible beetle.

7. I seriously believed the powers of back-masking.

8. When Magic the Gathering wasn't even popular in the Philippines, my brother and I played it. Actually, he let me hold the cards and play with himself because all my 'moves are stupid.'

9. I was in sixth grade when I decided English will be the medium of my speech.

10. My first Bible was my mom's concordance. It was falling apart but I liked it because it had pictures.

11. In my primary years (grades one through three), I was a Stanford tambay because my best friend Marie lived behind COD. The Marikina Shoe Expo was our playground.

12. I was born on a full moon.

13. Napapakilig ako at five years old ni Romnick Sarmienta at Sheryl Cruz sa Young Love Sweet Love. I met Romnick last Sunday. Same effect.

14. Oh yes, I am jologzzzz.

15. I have seen all the movies of Piolo Pascual. Even the ones I had no idea he was in. Yes, including the cameos.

16. CS Lewis is my very best friend.

17. I have been drinking coffee since I was nine. Actually, it started with mocha but that still counts as coffee.

18. I was almost not cum laude.

19. When I was younger, I can sing On My Own (Les Misrables) flawlessly. Nobody but the shower head heard it. When I performed it for classmates, it was all so random, it could be easily forgotten.

20. I'm running out of things to say.

21. I never want to break up with anyone so I'm taking my time in that aspect.

22. Just now I tried singing On My Own again.

23. I seriously believed that I will be sikat one day. Believed. Past tense. There are some things one has to outgrow.

24. I'm a star girl. Don't ask.

25. Xaris and Xai are different personas. Xaris is the evil twin.

That wasn't so bad.
Tag, you're it. Leave a comment or else.

this is what i call self-love

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 09:54:11 GMT

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

anubayun.